I haven't shared this story publicly before. In fact, most of those closest to me don't know the depths of my story around family and heartbreak. I want to share with you that I often feel alone and deep grief, especially at this time of year as we inch closer to holidays focused around togetherness and family gatherings. I have a family who I am estranged from. Since I was 21 this has been a part of me that I have always felt ashamed of, that I wanted to hide from, that I hoped was something that I know it could never be.
All kinds of stories about how I could've done things better or been better to receive that love and acceptance from my family. The truth is, this really has nothing to do with me. I believe on one level that I can love my family from afar (and I very much do) AND any pain, sadness, or unlovable-ness is here to lift me up or bring me into my depths to learn from AND that this is so interrelated to what I'm here on Earth to discover and support other Folx with. And it's doing all of these things, wonderfully!
Through all of this, I found my Priestess Path and with it, the Earth, my true Mother, the Cosmic Womb of true nourishment and unconditional love. Showing me the blessings of a mother / daughter relationship (available to us all) in unconditional Grace and Compassion. And the Cosmos, the All There Is, my true Father has supported me and held me in those dark nights where I didn't know the why to it all and nevertheless keeps guiding me on my path.
This time of year in the Celtic tradition is called Samhain. From October 31st until November 7th we are held in a Portal of death where the Veils are Thin and we can see, hear, and experience the messages of our ancestors, guides and well spirits.
It's a time for us to surrender to our own 'death' not of physicality, but of what in our life needs to end, what needs to be lovingly put to rest.
Being a person who feels so fully in my heart, this pain on some level I carry around with me, I recognize this as a time of year I feel really comfortable in. I like the Dark. I know what to do with the Power of my Emotive Self. I realize this isn't comfortable for everyone, it doesn't feel safe, it can feel challenging and scary.
feeling like the black sheep,
not being seen,
having boundaries crossed again and again,
is all part of my experience.
Of course, there is more, as we all hold many stories about the pain that we hold for a lineage. I'd been working through these feelings of living on a seesaw of so many ups and downs of 'do they / don't they' love me for about 10 years and then I found an angel on earth who shared Flower Essences with me. From there it's been a really incredible journey back to my wholeness, back to my truth and a re-membrance of who I am on all mystical and practical levels.
As I write this, I feel Morgan of Avalon and Lilith with me. The Guardians of the Dark who I've worked with for years, channeling their support and mentoring with them as I look fiercely at my Shadow. The crows are crowing outside my window. My ancestors are near, I who hold their DNA and stories passed down for me to heal and process and lay down to be buried in the Earth's soils for transmutation.And this is me, a part of my story and one facet of who I am.
This is why Flower Essences mean so much to me. They have been my support team, they have helped me to process and heal deep emotional wounds (and will always continue to). Essences can clear, nourish, and move stuck 'stuff' that we are holding onto (known and unknown). They can mend a broken heart. They can create a cocoon of protection if you have trouble with boundaries. They can help you feel more confident, or to shine more in areas of your life where you tend to be passed over. You can begin to manifest and create wonderful experiences for your life. You can heal relationships, build a business, hex the Patriarchy with the help of Essences.
It is all possible when we partner with the Earth. I welcome you to take a look at the FLOWER COVEN and join us in November for our month with Lilith as we work with flower essences to discover the multi-layers of our Personal Power. Registration for this month will close November 6th and your essences will go out to you that day! Along with your essences in the mail, you'll receive a curated program of activities and information to guide and delight you.
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👇 I Welcome You to Explore and Join Me 👇